Saturday, March 6, 2010

I think I can I think I can

A while back I signed Emily up for a free book club through our public library ( thanks to Dolly Parton) and she got her very first book!

How appropriate is this book? Not to give up, keep trying, we can do this, we can do this! Never thought I would get inspiration from a children's book. HA! God teaches us in many ways doesn't He.

The second thing that really inspired me was a song. I had to run to the pharmacy and I was actually alone so I grabbed one of my favorite Cd's (Natalie Grant) and turned up the volume as loud as it would go and started singing one of my favorite songs of her but his time was different. I found myself crying and unable to get any of the words out because it was exactly how I was feeling.

Especially the lines that say "Bitterness has plagued my heart many times before, my life has been like broken glass and I have kept the score of all my shattered dreams......"

Lately I have been VERY bitter and jealous of a lot. I have defiantly kept the score of all of my shattered dreams. I have dreamed of what being a mom would be like and what our lives could have been like and then it hit me...... I have to create new dreams for us. For Emily.

If I just dwell on what could have been, what should have been, I will only being cheating Emily out of the best life I can give her.

I am not saying that everything is great and perfect or that I have it all together. Truth be told I will probably cry just about everyday and grieve the life I dreamed. That is ok though, as long as I am dreaming new dreams for us.

It's only by God's grace that I stand, that I get up and breath, that I go on hours and hours of no sleep, and that I have not given up my (new) dreams.

I will not be moved.


  1. Yes you can! Obviously God thought so, that is why He gave you and Joe Emily to raise. He has faith in both of you as Emily's parents just as you have faith in Him.
    There are SOOO many things that I wish I could go back and re-do as a parent. But we only have one trip. We have to make the very best of it. Emily is very special and you will have the dreams you have always dreamed-just more special than you imagined.
    Hang in there. The Little Engine That Could is a very appropriate book for Emmy and you and Joe.
    Hang in there and if you need me and Jeff, please just let us know.

  2. Hi!

    Found you through Collin the Champ's blog and just wanted to let you know that we are praying for you and your family, for continued strength and faith in our Lord Jesus that He WILL continue to provide for you! God bless you three!!


  3. How awesome is Emily's first book with that club? you should totally write down in the front cover where she is in her life for memories sake...

    Everytime I hear that song, I think of you anyways - I know how much you loved it before - but now, yep, I'll probably cry FOR you when I hear it...

    Nothing like a good drive where you can scream & cry with a song.... better then singing in the shower!

  4. Hello,
    I found your blog through Collin's website. I just read your post about keeping score. Having a child with special needs (chromosome deletion, g-tube, heart defect, and the list goes on) I find myself doing the same often. My daughter is almost a year old... over the past year our lives have changed, but we have chosen to use this in our lives to glorify God. It looks like your family has taken the same approach! It is a very tough road, but it makes us not take the little things for granted and too appreciate every breath we are given. I added you on FB... hope we can be an encouragement to one another =)