Tuesday, August 31, 2010

grandma

Today is my grandma Jeans birthday. She passed away in July of 2007, she was 81.
I was very close to my grandma. For years my mom, sister and myself lived with her. I even slept with her in the same bed. She loved to tell me the story that when we did not live with her and I was just old enough to stand I would scream and cry out the window when she left until she would come back and get me to stay the night with her.
I was defiantly grandma's girl.

 Grandma knew she was dying. She had cancer and did not want treatment. She was ready to go.
The last time I saw her was just a couple days before she passed. She was in the hospital and my aunt Shirley was arranging for hospice to bring her out to her home.
I came into her hospital room to visit not knowing that was going to be the last time I saw her.

She knew otherwise.

Some how we managed to have a few minutes alone. She held my hand and with tears that I had never seen before she told me how proud of me she was and how much she loved me and that she was so thankful that I had Joe and she knew one day I would be a great mom.

I remembered a conversation we had not too long before then about baby names and she said she loved the name Emily. I promised her if I ever had a girl that is what I would name her. She told me she was not scared and that she knew where she was going and that she could not wait to see Jesus .
Our conversation was not long but I can still remember every word. I remember how her skin felt and that the room smelled like her perfume. I have so many wonderful memories of her.
She loved (borderline obsession) lotion, perfumes, candles and self tanner. She collected sandals, purses and coats. No matter how many she had she always needed more. She never wanted to dress like an "old lady" and always acted much younger than she was.
Her death was really hard on me because she always said she just wanted to see my kids. I had a really hard time conceiving so that is one thing she did not get to see.
I miss her so much and not a day goes by that I don't wish she was here. Things would be so different.

Happy birthday grandama!!


You can shed tears that she is gone,

Or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left behind.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,

Or you can be full of the love you’ve shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone,

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,

Be empty and turn your back on the world.

Or you can do what she would want-smile,

open your eyes, love and go on
( I found this on someone's blog -don't know who wrote it)

5 comments:

  1. With that kind of relationship, not only has she seen Emily, but I'm sure she's watching your family and interceding with God every day for you guys! Just think of her as your guardian angel.....I believe that my brother who passed watches over me all the time! He was born before me so I never knew him, but I feel him so strong. As much as you loved her and she loved you, I'm sure you have a guardian angel, too. Love you, sweetie!

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  2. I love she didnt want to dress like an "old lady" ... that to me just shows how fun she was!!!

    So glad you still have those wonderful memories of her ... & those last moments with you...those are precious treasures

    Its these people in our lives that are in Heaven that makes going there even MORE exciting!!! To be able to see them again & be reunited... oh, what a day that will be!

    Love you sharing your memories honoring your grandmother on her birthday... that's love! :)

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  3. I am sure she is watching over you and your family and is very proud of you and the mother you are to Emily.

    so sorry for the loss...

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  4. Although I didn't know Jean to the depth that you obviously did, I do agree with your description of her. I know how much joy she brought to my grandpa, and how she would light up a room just by walking into it. May her lifesong sing through you and your precious Emily. I know that she is still smiling down upon you and so very proud of the mother you have become! Love you!

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  5. Your grandma Jean was certainly one-of-a-kind! She was a wonderful lady and I sooo enjoyed her visits with you and Joe, especially at Christmastime. I really and truly wish I could have gotten to know her longer than I did. She is truly an angel.

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